‘HEARING THEIR HEARTACHE’(c)

“We sail in a vast sphere, ever drifting in uncertainty, driven from end to end”.

                                   —-Blaise Pascal

For many years I have committed my life to estate and retirement planning helping clients through that ‘vast sphere.’  When it comes to estate planning I’ve studied it, I’ve breathed it, slept it, taught it and literally lived through it probating my wife’s Will under Texas probate laws as well as my father’s little empire in Southeast Texas.

I am not an attorney.  However, I have probated Wills in both Texas and Colorado.

As I work with clients I’ve learned that my most challenging work begins when I start working with a widow or widower; sadly hearing their heartache.

And I will emphasize, ‘you have never known someone until you settle an estate with them;’ whether it is family, friends or foes.

I was recently in court with a lovely widow who lost her devoted and caring husband to an illness.  I find myself doing a lot of ‘hand-holding’ and  even praying with grieving spouses.  All kinds of questions and concerns arise of course.

The greatest concern besides accepting the loss of a wife or husband are those difficult steps that must be made in order to keep going forward.  Bills still have to be paid, maintenance must continue on the house, cars and other assets, and your work continues.

Unfortunately many decisions must be made on your own when you lose the love of your life.  Some of the real questions I’ve encountered in recent years are:

• How do I get the house and cars and our boat in my name?  My spouse took care of all the business matters.

• Do I need an attorney?  

• Why has our bank frozen our accounts?

• Will I have to go to court?

• Am I liable for my spouse’s debts if they are not in my name?

• Will you please help me to transfer everything into my name?

• Do creditors have access to my spouse’s life insurance proceeds?

• How do I secure a death certificate?

• Will I get my spouse’s Social Security benefits, or have to live on my own benefits?

• What paperwork or documents will I need to make the right financial and legal decisions?

• Is my spouse’s Social Security number still needed and valid?

These are just a few of some of the overwhelming questions and concerns I often hear when a person loses their spouse.

Planned Giving tells us approximately 68% of Americans have no valid Will.  This means if you die intestate (without a Will) you can be sure your state will have one for you,(plannedgiving.com).

According to the CDC data there were 3,279,857 US deaths in 2022.  That means 223,143,464 Americans (less minors, of course) never took the time to the establish a Will so their loved ones would know how to dissolve and distribute their estate

A Will in essence helps you to alter your state’s default plan.  Having a Will your executor or personal representative can carry out your own personal wishes—not the Will your state has for you.  A state should not be administering or even addressing your own financial decisions and legacy concerns after you are gone.  This is especially true when it comes to minor children who are the beneficiaries.

In this fast-pace world we live in today and with 

more than 1.3 million lawyers in the United States no one should be without a Will.  To be more precise, there were 1,331,290 active lawyers as of Jan. 1, 2023 (ABA National Lawyer Population Survey—abalegalprofile.com).

As I look into the eyes of clients who have lost ‘half of themselves’ as one grieving widow described it, there are enough baleful problems with their loss; let alone their spouse dying intestate.  This creates even more stress and needless time, energy and money settling the estate issues.

I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist but I see lots of obvious inner wounds inside clients from their indescribable losses.  Strangely enough, hearing their heartache inspires me to help them, encourage them and provide as much financial and legal guidance as I possibly can.